From The Clarion, May, 1958

Class Prophecy

     It was 10:00 this morning, October 26, 1968, when Ronald Harris and I, Kay Cochran, stepped from our plane at the new Tri-City Airport. The first people we met were Melba Squares and Ralph Warner, the new stars of "Mr. Adams and Eve", (they turned down several movie contracts which they were offered after the Senior Play in 1958), who were getting off their private plane.

     The four of us exchanged greetings and Mr. Warner discovered that Ronald is the author of the new book, Goldilocks and the 3.1416 Bears, and I am a successful engineer for a bridge company. I test the bridges for their durability under the impact of car wrecks. Tomorrow night we are all going to our Class of '58 reunion at Newlinia, a prominent night club owned by our former principal.

     As the four of us started our tour of the town, we found the the names of the three towns have been changed to Hallville, Hallville and Hallville, in honor of Dell Hall, Ruth Hall and George Hall, for the money they each gave for a dance hall, a recreation hall, and a pool hall respectively.

     Wanting to see the changes which had taken place in the towns, we hired the chauffeur services of Billy Clark, who has fifty Cadillacs (all driven by beautiful blondes). Joan Stegall is serving as his private secretary.

     The first thing we thought of was food, so we found a restaurant that was owned by Tommy Lovell who, it seemed had discovered a pill that could take the place of a steak dinner and became rich. He put grocery wholesaler Bobby Barrett our of business.

     After we had eaten, we went to see the Grand Crater, which is located where dear ole' Morehead once stood. It seems that William Ragsdale was in the lab one day when Mr. Morgan turned his head. Ah! What sweet revenge for us!

     Across the street from where the school once stood is an insane asylum build by Jimmy Goldston when his friends, Lee Kirby and Fred Benson went crazy trying to calculate, mathematically, the time it would take the school to fall to earth.

     Homer Young and his bride, Jean Hill, have just found the new glass house impractical. This came as a result of a rock battle between Beth Sugg and J. Stultz on the eve of their seventh wedding anniversary. Jean Griffin and Loretta Holliman are on their second honeymoon. This time they're taking their children. Rita Warf Green is now the proud possessor of six little ponytails.

     Kay Durham and Sylvia Turner are happily married and live here with their henpecked husbands. Sylvia Wray, Annette Willard and Ann Roberts are now happily married, but not to one another. Thomas Wright is the perfect father; he doesn't make his kids go to school. Gail Young has gotten married. She is now Gail Old.

     Jean Bryant is raising her own basketball team. Judy Snyder has the harder job; she's raising a complete second and third string. Alyce Turner takes the cake. She's raising a complete football squad. Pat Coon married John Possum, and Sunshine Hawkins married a Mr. Moonbeam.

     Some of our old friends are no longer living here. Marshall Woods has moved to Hollywood where he is the understudy to Marlon Brando's understudy. Carol Price took Italy by surprise when, acting under an impulse, she jumped from the tower of Pisa into the arms of A.G. Singleton, who was late in getting there. Mac Washburn was the first person to get to the moon. Beth Yager saw him wink at another girl.

     W.D. Carter is spending his eight honeymoon "on the moon" with his sixth wife. His friend, Neal Robertson, is serving time for bigamy. Jimmy and Jackie Johnson are working for the safety and good of the country. They moved to Russia.

     Mary Meadows, Marie Minter, Sylvia King and Lorene Moorefield are marooned on an unnamed island in the Pacific with twelve sailors.

     But what about Wayne Mabe and Bobby McKinney? They are working for the state and have been assured a position for at least the next twenty years. However, with time off for good behavior.

     Frances Lewis had trouble getting here today; her Martin bushes have grown so well that Lewis' nursery is almost an impassable wilderness. Judy Axsom, chief sheriff on Jupiter, has just arrested Barbara Hatcher and Carol Houchins for rocketing on the wrong side of the Milky Way.

     Shirley Allred is running a first aid center. Henry Sanders was her first patient. He was reading and roller-skating at the same time. H.D. Martin has become a dentist. His wife, Shirley Gover Martin, a former movie star, says that it's a very drilling job. Joan Overby and Gail Chandler are heart specialists. They specialize in breaking boys' hearts.

     The new head of the hospital which was built in 1958 is Titus Allen. His superintendent of Nurses is Doris Yeatts. Doris Jean Adkins is a noted surgeon. She doctors trees, and has a very shady business.

     Jerri Smith is driving all the boys crazy in her new space ship. Nancy Johnson test-drives cars for Dodge. She tests to see if they dodge other cars. Gerald Jefferson has a wrecker service. He wrecks cars. Barbara Whitten still drives like a bat out of the furnace room as a stock car racer.

     William Booker has just received an academy award for the drowning scene in the picture "Deep River", produced by Jackie Handy. Actually he tripped over a cable and fell into the water. Glenda Dodson received a citation for saving him. Darrell Wilson has taken Elvis' place as "Rock and Roll" idol. Priscilla Berry has just returned from Italy where she worked for the famed Italian Opera Company. Gloria Kirks is editor of Inter-Celestial Confessions and has just published the true stories of Virginia Crowder, William Earles, Ann Heffinger, Virginia Pulliam, Rhegenia Pulliam, Jane Garrett and Edna Boyte Gilley. Hazel Gae Griffin is a model for Homer Vernon Studios, Inc. Raymond Thomas is "Chester" on "Gunsmoke" in which Gloria Massey is "Kitty".

     Nancy Smith, Frances Hopkins, Priscilla Hyler, Alice Bowers, Janie MacIsaac and Barbara Kallam are all competing for the "Charles Wylie Hatcher Award" for the years best actress for their stirring performances in "Headin' for a Weddin'". Jimmy Walker was also given a contract to play "Grandpa Kettle" in the next "Ma and Pa Kettle" picture.

     Reading the Want Ads, we find the Lily Ruth Pulliam advertises, "Have Money, Wants Husband". Lib Smith, "Have Preacher, Will Marry".

     Lindsey Patterson has reached overnight fame among the rising seniors by writing a new play, which Miss Roberts plans to use instead of "Macbeth". Richard Nance, literary critic, has acclaimed Goldilocks and the 3.1416 Bears as the literary triumph of the century. A book on "No Bookkeeping" was written by Ruby Stewart.

     Kenneth Wade is still in school and still is "Punk". Marie Burnette had to stay for one extra year. She couldn't limp through graduation march. Ronnie Smith and Jesse Roberts graduated, finally.

     Don Cassell is an asset for the new York Yankees. He plays outfield for the Dodgers. Everette Dunn perfected a football stadium, geometrically designed so that the lights will shine in the eyes of State players and not in those of Carolina players. Warren Stephens, the scorekeeper at State, says his efforts are in vain because Jimmy Duggins is on the team. "Big" John Eggleston is now playing basketball for the "Wheel Chair" team because there is less running.

     Roy Horton got lucky and won "Red's Pool Room". Stephen Nelson has organized a professional ping-pong team. They play against kindergartens. Anne Marie Stultz and Marsh Oakley have developed a new game, played with satellites instead of basketballs. (It takes a day for the ball to return from the moon after a long shot.)

     Doug Saunders runs his father's Texaco station. Dora Lillard has been promoted from DeHart's 5 and 10 to Woolworth's. Alice Geer went into the kennel business to remind her of "Her Butch". Pat Cochran is employed by a publishing firm and types copy for high school annuals. Doug Boyte works for "Mize Used Rocket Service". Tommy Blackwell, Gary Burnette, Marie Howe and Judy Hawkins are Mouseketeers.

     Judy Knowles is designing a "can" dress to compete with the "sack" for Norma Washburn at the Marion Webb Studios. Virginia Whitten has broken the age-old tradition that the Satellite Stewardesses cannot be married, and has become the world's first married Satellite Stewardess. Myra Greer has perfected a method of playing the French horn and singing at the same time. She says it's not easy!

     Betty Riddle, Kay Weaver and Carol Young are head arsonists for Pat Holland's fire department. They are operating in the "red". A new toy manufacturing company sprung up with Joe Eggleston, President. They specialize in stuffed "White Rabbits".

     Bobby Murphy works for the Air Force. He has a penthouse in New York where he watches to see that spaceships don't come too near the skyscrapers. Kenneth Campbell became the world's first human who flies faster than light without a plane when his girl got mad at him!

     To spite all his former teachers' prophecies, Curtis Morgan became a success at being nothing. True to his teachers' predictions, Don Marlowe has become the town's professional bum.

     Glenn Hopkins and Bill Stein were offered the job of being live bait for shark fishermen, but it was against their religion to accept it. They are devout Cowards.

     Jimmy Rhabe is a comic critic for the funny books published by Mickey Snow. Illustrations are drawn by Jerene Grogan. Gary Robertson is now manager of Cooper, Ratcliff and Parrish (Ray Parrish, that is). In spite of all her competition, Melca Thompson has finally caught a husband. Buddy Roberts is vice-president of Celestial Lock Co. He is in charge of the church keys!

     Lawrence Walker, falling in a hole, broke his leg and George Hubbard had to shoot him. He used a ray gun invented by Janice Wall. Louise Lawson and Margaret Wilson have gone into the tuxedo rental business. They rent complete outfits to Sophomores who feel left out on Junior-Senior night.